Okay, as promised...

I managed to work the 12 hours, but I was hurting, exhausted and damn near tears because of it all.

I don't know whatever possessed me to do this, but I think having some money was a big factor. This, once again, reminds me why I stopped working to begin with.

Dear SSA: I cannot stand, sit, or maintain one position for extended (3-4 hours or longer) periods of time. My body cannot handle it. If I am to work, then I will need the flexiblity of being able to relieve my extreme discomfort at will, and not when someone says I can. I am currently in training for a career that will allow me this flexibility. In the mean time, I need to see doctors and be on some type of medication in order to have some semblance of a "normal" life. My life as it is today is far from "normal". "Normal" for me is NOT to be in constant pain, discomfort, or exhaustion.

NOTE: In my package for reconsideration, I included a post from this blog. The printed out version mentions this blog's URL. Hopefully, some forward thinking person at SSA has been reading this blog, and realizes that I do indeed have a real problem with this, and that I am disabled enough to receive benefits. My life since my diagnosis in 2002 has not been easy by any stretch of the imagination. I simply got tired of feeling sorry for myself and decided to go back to school (I was not in school yet when I filed for my reconsideration). I want to work, but without some kind of assistance from SSA in regards to regular medical care and medications that will help me, working a regular 9-to-5 desk job, or a full time job anywhere, will be impossible for me. What more proof do you folks at SSA need? Do you need me to be so exhausted that I have to be hospitalized (which, without medical insurance, I can ill afford)? Do you need me to be in so much pain that I cannot function at a level that my 6 year old niece and her 2 year old brother can do with ease? That I cannot get out of bed? That I cannot go to school to get the training I have paid for to get new skills so I can work again? Do I need to be so depressed that I have thoughts of ending my life? Why is it so damn hard to convince you that I REALLY DO HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THIS? I do not want to wait another year for a hearing before an Administrative Law Judge.

I've engaged a lawyer that I cannot really afford to help me with this. This nonsense has gone on much too long.

Remember, I cannot stand, sit or maintain one position for hours upon end without severe pain, discomfort and exhaustion.

Frustration led me to create this blog last year, and frustration and anger fuels my desire to keep it up. I want everyone who wanders by here to know what Fibromyalgia is, and what it's doing to just one person, and how damned difficult it is to get SSA disability in the state of Oklahoma.

/end rant.

--MorelaterZ--

I must be out of my mind!

I took a job and it may turn out to be the end of me. Whatever made me think I could work for 12 hours at a stretch? But, I need the money, so I will give it an honest and valiant effort. I only hope I don't live to regret this.

I'm getting thru school okay, because I get to take breaks frequently and move around when I start hurting bad. Plus, I don't go for more than 6 hours at a time on any given day, so that helps. The exhaustion is bad, though.

I'll post my reactions to the above mentioned job over the weekend.

--MorelaterZ--