From Mi Vida Loca

Tuesday, April 06, 2004

Getting my sleep on
...or not.

Welcome to the 16th consecutive year that I have been unable to get a decent nights sleeep. What happened in 1988 that caused this? Car accident in El Paso, TX perhaps. It makes sense. To me anyways.

FMS causes you to be unable to sleep. Depression causes you to sleep a lot, usually at the wrong time of day. Imagine having not gotten enough sleep but are still expected to go to work, school, or appointments. This has been my life for the past 16 years.

I know I need help with this, but, like other things in my life at present, it requires money I don't have.

End rant.

MorelaterZ--



March 8, 2004

I am concerned about my health. I sleep all the time, I don't feel like doing anything, and I am not keeping myself up the way I alwyas have. It's almost like I just don't give a damn about anything any more. I need to see someone soon...or God only knows what may happen to me.

I can't talk to anyone about this, because they'll just blow me off. They'll tell me to go out and get a job. I have to get out of Oklahoma, or I will literally go insane. I don't know if a change in location will help me, but being treated like shit by my family is more than I can bear. I feel like I am imprisoned here.

I know I'm depressed. It's a feeling I know all too well. And it scares the shit out of me.

MorelaterZ--



February 22, 2004

I'm going crazy! Get me the hell outta here!

I've just about had it with everyone and everything that has to do with my staying here. Between my mother's apathy and my sister's bitchiness, I'm just about at the breaking point.

The big losers here would be the boys.

But as long as I stay here and am not able to find a job, I am just a burden on everyone. I don't see any way I can stay here any longer. I might end up in the loony bin before long.

I can't take this anymore. It's not like anything that I expected when I came here. I thought I'd have no problem finding a job. I thought that I could get disability from Social Security, but that is a long, drawn out process. I might have a hearing as soon as next month, but who knows?

All i know at this point is that when I get some money and take care of some obligations, I'm leaving Oklahoma, and I won't return until I can take care of myself. It's better for everyone all around if I do.