The waiting is the hardest part

I'm getting ready to go to bed. I've been extremely fatigued, sleeping during the day for two and three hours at a time. But, a new wrinkle has appeared: I actually get to bed at a decent hour, but get up two and three times a night to pee. I've haven't had to pee this much since the carnival, so I think it's nerves. God knows that the stress level around here is in the red, so my nerves are shot.

ANd my constant companion, the all-over pain, is still driving me up the proverbial wall. Today, I was holding a glass of ice water in my hand and I could feel the pain in my hands start up. It seemingly went from my hands, up my arms, down thru my torso, all the way down to my feet! All from holding a glass of cold water!

Still nothing from SSA. The end of the month is in two weeks. Please, Lord, let me hear some good news! It's been much too long-- it'll be two years in September since I applied for Disability and SSI, and if I have to go thru this all over again, I think I might cry. The idea of having to go back to work, then not being able to perform, scares the crap out of me. I've always prided myself for being a hard worker, being a reliable employee, and not being able to keep up because of the pain and fatigue, saddens me. What happened to my old predictable life? The only good thing about not being able to work is that I was able to go to the carnival that day in July two years ago and meet my Cajun. He's been supportive and understanding of all this, even if he doesn't understand the whys and hows of it. It's hard to do that from 800 miles away, but it's the way it has to be for now.

--MorelaterZ--