In the, um, ahh, zone--yeah, that's it!

I noticed it again yesterday when I came home from the store. I sat in the car and zoned out for God only knows how long. All I knew is that my lunch was cold and the gallon of milk I bought was getting warm.

I've been doing that periodically almost my whole life. I'll be somewhere and I'll just sit there and just, well, stare off into space. I don't know if this is related to FMS, or if this is something completely different. The scariest times are when I'm driving and I get disoriented on roads I travel everyday. Maybe I shouldn't be driving, but I 'm the one who does all the shopping, banking, etc., for my mom. She can't drive at night.

I really should get to a doctor and have him/her figure this out. But, without insurance, there's little I can do. That's why getting disability is important to me. I'd have a regular income and have the means to get insurance and see doctors to treat me for the FMS.

I'm on the SSA merry goin-in-the-round, so I'll have to wait on them, because I don't want to sit all day at the SSA office at Shepard Mall waiting to talk to someone. They'd have to carry me out on a stretcher.

What's a gal with FMS to do?

--MorelaterZ--

My hands hate me this week

They've been bothering me all week. I took some Aleve and that lessened it somewhat, but they are still hurting me something awful.

I think I've finally recovered from my trip to the fair. Thing is, I want to go back before it ends tomorrow. I must be out of my mind!

This week, I've forgotten so much stuff because of the fibro fog. Like the name of my Cajun's dog, for example. The dog's name is Blue, but I couldn't come up with that in a conversation with someone on the net to save my life! All I could remember was that he was a he and he was a pit bull.

Or, the last name of my sister's best friend from high school. Either her maiden name or her married name.

And for some reason, I wanted to tell people that my oldest son's birthday was December 16th. His birthday is December 14th. The 16th was the day he was due.

I've also been forgetting to get receipts for the withdrawals I make from the ATM. Makes my checking account harder to manage. Thank God for online banking!

In short, I've been a mess this week. I hope next week is better. It couldn't get any worse (could it? Wait don't answer that!).

--MorelaterZ--

Still more forms to fill out...thanks SSA

Got a "pain survey" form from SSA in the mail today. One of those "tell us all about what you do all day and how that causes pain" forms that you have to fill in multiple pages of. You wanna know what I do all day, SSA, and why it causes pain? Read this blog!

I started to fill it out, but I had to stop because my hands are killing me and making my handwriting look like an old woman filled it out. I'll get back to it later, I guess, because it's going out in tomorrow's mail. Period. I get those things filled out and back in the mail as soon as possible. Hopefully, they won't lose it like they did the last form I filled out (the one containing the certified copy of my birth certificate, which was missing for FIVE WEEKS!!!). Maybe I'll stick one of those green cards from the post office on the back. You know the one, the recipient has to send it back to you when they get your letter, package, etc.

Is it just me, or does SSA make you answer the same questions a million times to see if your answers match? I wish I could just refer to one form on any subsequent forms, i.e. "refer to answer 23A on form #1234-09". That would be so much easier! But this is the government we're talking about, nothing, no-flippin'-thing is easier! They have to make it as hard as possible. This I find stressful and stress isn't good for my symptoms.

I'm still exhausted from my sojourn to the state fair on Sunday... but it was so worth it!


--MorelaterZ--

I knew this was trouble, but it was worth it

I went to the fair on Sunday, and I actually got thru it okay. The heat was awful though, and that, I think, contributed more to my being tired than walking around the fairgrounds did.

Uh-huh.

All day Monday, I either was on the computer, or I slept. I couldn't fall asleep for anything last night, and tonight (i.e. right now) is looking the same way. I am just now (at 2:40am CDT) beginning to feel sleepy.

My arms and legs felt like they weighed a million pounds each and hurt like hell. My back is bothering me, and my whole body aches! And not a pain killer in sight.

Well my life just sucks, don't it?

--MorelaterZ--

I don't know if this has anything to do with anything

but I feel like I'm about to cry. I've felt like this all day today and for several days prior. I don't know why.

--MorelaterZ--

Indeed, look what the cat dragged in...

Sheesh!

All I've done lately is sleep. Very rarely do I sleep til noon unless I have a cold or the flu, but the last couple of days, I've done just that. I don't have either the flu or a cold. I'm just plain exhausted. I'd understand it if I'd actually done something, but I haven't.

I'm just tired. Excessively tired.

And still no cash to spend to see doctors. C'mon SSA, I need answers here!

--MorelaterZ--

This looks promising...

so those of us with FMS can only hope that when this test becomes available, doctors will take us seriously.

"Autoimmune Technologies LLC, a New Orleans biomedical company, and
Corgenix Medical Corp., a producer of diagnostic tests based in Denver,
developed a method for accurately diagnosing fibromyalgia, a chronic pain and
fatigue disorder. The test is called the APA ELISA Kit, short for Anti-Polymer
Antibody Enzyme Linked ImmunoSorbent Assay.

Researchers at Tulane discovered the antibodies that form the
foundation of the APA ELISA Kit. Using several million dollars provided through
private equity capital, Autoimmune began developing this technology in 1995.
Corgenix was brought on to take the product through the final stages of
development.

The kit will hit the world market in September and, pending Food and
Drug Administration approval, will be available in the United States in less
than two years. The kits, which will be administered by medical professionals,
can test up to 40 people at a cost of $149 per test. "

So the good news is that there is now a test to diagnose FMS. The bad news is that we have to wait about two years for it. As for the $149 cost, obvioulsly at this time there is no way to know if it will be covered by insurance.

"Michael Charbonnet, Autoimmune chief executive, said his test kit strongly
supports fibromyalgia as a disease.

Unfortunately, many physicians still think fibromyalgia is something
made up by a bunch of crazy women, he said."

Yes, I've seen doctors who think I'm crazy and put me on anti-depressants. My own sister, herself a physician, thinks I'm using FMS as an excuse not to work. She'll be getting a copy of this article. I cannot work because of this. This is no excuse! Hell, if I had never been diagnosed with this, I'd probably still be in Massachusetts!

"In 1990, the American College of Rheumatology, a professional organization
of rheumatologists based in Atlanta, defined fibromyalgia as a chronic pain and
fatigue disorder. Most doctors now accept it as a real disease but many still
believe it is nothing more than women complaining about a few minor aches, said
Dr. Robert F. Gary, professor of microbiology and immunology at Tulane
University Health Sciences Center.

There is much that still needs to be learned about this illness,
including how it is contracted, Gary said. But it is a very real disease and the
women effected are truly suffering."

Shortly after that, the Social Security Administration has classified it as a disabling disorder, and is eligilible for coverage for Disability and SSI claims (something I've been trying to get for two years! I first applied for SSA Disability and SSI two years ago yesterday!)

I'll keep my eyes and ears open and see if there will be any clinical trials. I'd love to get in on something like that, even if it's just to prove to people that I'm not faking it!

--MorelaterZ--

I feel like I've been hit by a Mack truck

This is getting a bit ridiculous! I am so sore! All I did was go grocery shopping with my mom.

I've noticed that I've had a bit of "brain fog" lately. That scares me because I forget words and stuff that I use all the time. So far, I haven't forgotten names of people I know and important dates.

I've got to get to a doctor and get this mess under control. I feel like I'm deteriorating before my very eyes. Four hour naps in the middle of the day, muscular pain without any effort, and forgetting the name of the cigarettes my mother has smoked for 30+ years is driving me mad!

Help?!


--MorelaterZ--

My "experiment" was a big, fat Greek failure of Olympic proportions

Now I have something to present to a doctor to show that I cannot work.

Sitting at my computer station at home for just fifteen minutes left me in a considerable amount of pain and discomfort. And SSA thinks I can do this for 8 hours a day, 40 hours a week, every week? If I can't do it for fifteen minutes, then anything longer is out of the question.

I can't do it at the library, either, where the chairs are a little more comfortable, but the pain is still there.

I'd like nothing more than to get treatment so I could go back to work at some point, but the plain fact of the matter is that I need help, and help from the state of Oklahoma is not forthcoming. Sooner Care (the Okie equivalent of Medicare)? Gotta be on Disability already. Monetary assistance? Gotta be on Disability already. I wonder if I have to be already on Disability to get Section 8 housing, too? Probably. I intend to find that out.

Thanks, Oklahoma, for all the nothing you've given me.

--MorelaterZ--