How I feel: like I've been beaten up everyday for the last 15 years

And that's how I feel right now.

It seems that everyone in my family believes that I am faking FMS. My sister has actually come out and said this to my face, about how I'm using it as an excuse not to get a job. One, there are no jobs for me here! Two, I couldn't fake this even if I wanted to, because before I was diagnosed two years ago, I hadn't even heard of Fibromyalgia! All I knew is that I was (and still am) in a lot of pain and fatigued beyond belief. And my sister is a doctor (though not one who treats patients with FMS)!

I reapplied to SSA for disability and SSI. But, I think I will really have to leave Oklahoma before I can get any assistance. If I stay, my only alternative is to find a job, and I already know that I can't work. But still, I look for work, but it seems to be a fruitless exercise. The job market here is a joke. And my FMS seems to be getting worse the longer I don't see a doctor for treatment. Kinda hard to see a doctor when you have no income, and the agencies that are supposed to help you won't because you're not already on disability! All they do is make excuses and suggestions.

It was a huge mistake to come here. Had I just done a little homework before I left Massachusetts, maybe I would have found this stuff out before I got here, and therefore not come at all. But if I had stayed there, I would have been homeless, as I was being evicted from my apartment because I could no longer afford the rent.

No one here in Oklahoma, not my family, nor the state, nor SSA, understands that though. No wonder my hair is turning grey at a rapid rate!

--MorelaterZ--

This heat will kill me...

It was 97 degrees here in Edmond, Oklahoma today. Hot and dry...and it's this kind of weather that really wipes me out. I don't even have to do anything. Today, I went to the store, took my son Jeff to the mall, and got gas for the van... now I'm achin' something awful. My hands, feet, wrists, and ankles are killin' me, and the rest of my body feels like one big bruise.
 
And, I'm tired beyond belief...but do ya think I can sleep? Helllll, no!  I've gone to bed at something like 4am all this week. The headache is driving me insane!
 
Tomorrow, it may get to triple digits. God help me! And I have to go out in this because my mom has a dentist appointment tomorrow afternoon...
 
Oh.  Joy.
 
--MorelaterZ--

Sleepless

It's baaaack!

I can't make myself sleep at the proper times, and it's because I'm in a great deal of pain. I took the Tylenol PM, so I was able to sleep, but now I'm still tired and dragged out. It doesn't help that it's hot outside, and that I'm still under a great deal stress.

I'm looking into trying to see doctors for free or low cost. I sent in my paperwork to reapply for disability and SSI. I need to get out of Oklahoma, because I will never get benefits here.

I feel the depression creeping back up on me. I can't live this way anymore.

Let me tell you how tired I was yesterday...

I was so tired, so fatigued, that I fell asleep sitting up while I was online...in the middle of the afternoon!!

My sister came over with Amalia yesterday, and I had no clue...because I'm asleep while they were there...

WTF???

I need to get some medical attention for this, especially since I have reapplied for disability and SSI. And the constant pain is more than I can bear on a daily basis. OTC pain relievers are not enough to combat the pain. Last night , I took the Tylenol PM for only the third time since I bought it several months ago. Usually, I'm so exhausted that I fall asleep as soon as I'm not moving for more than five minutes. In the car, I keep the radio turned up loud just to keep me awake long enought to get from point A to point B. Scary!

Help! If anyone knows of a specialist that will see me for free, just for evaluation for SSA, please contact me at babydoll.beretta@gmail.com.
I'm willing to travel anywhere in Oklahoma, Texas, Kansas, or Missouri. IF there is a place not in one of those states I mentioned, but in the USA, that you think is promising, tell me that also. One could say that I am desperate at this point. I just want to live a more normal life.

--MorelaterZ--