Thursday, July 29, 2004

How I feel: like I've been beaten up everyday for the last 15 years

And that's how I feel right now.

It seems that everyone in my family believes that I am faking FMS. My sister has actually come out and said this to my face, about how I'm using it as an excuse not to get a job. One, there are no jobs for me here! Two, I couldn't fake this even if I wanted to, because before I was diagnosed two years ago, I hadn't even heard of Fibromyalgia! All I knew is that I was (and still am) in a lot of pain and fatigued beyond belief. And my sister is a doctor (though not one who treats patients with FMS)!

I reapplied to SSA for disability and SSI. But, I think I will really have to leave Oklahoma before I can get any assistance. If I stay, my only alternative is to find a job, and I already know that I can't work. But still, I look for work, but it seems to be a fruitless exercise. The job market here is a joke. And my FMS seems to be getting worse the longer I don't see a doctor for treatment. Kinda hard to see a doctor when you have no income, and the agencies that are supposed to help you won't because you're not already on disability! All they do is make excuses and suggestions.

It was a huge mistake to come here. Had I just done a little homework before I left Massachusetts, maybe I would have found this stuff out before I got here, and therefore not come at all. But if I had stayed there, I would have been homeless, as I was being evicted from my apartment because I could no longer afford the rent.

No one here in Oklahoma, not my family, nor the state, nor SSA, understands that though. No wonder my hair is turning grey at a rapid rate!

--MorelaterZ--

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