This is not the kind of flare that you set out when your car breaks down

...rather, it's the kind of flare that happens as your body seems to break down right before your eyes.

I'm doing a little experiment. I've reconfigured my computer workstation to resemble (more or less) the kind of thing I'd be doing during a 40 hour work week. So far, the results of this experiment have had exactly the results I expected: I'm in a great deal of pain after just a few moments of sitting in a regulation office chair (borrowed from my oldest son), typing on the keyboard, and talking on the phone. After approximately 10 minutes, I have to log off the internet and lay down to rest. And after laying down to rest, I'm still too exhausted and in too much pain to continue. My arms, legs, hands, feet and back are all begging for mercy after keeping this up for an entire week.

I can't work a regular full time job under these conditions. I'd be taking more breaks than working. Who in hell is going to hire someone that unreliable? It's been over a year since I had even a temp job, and two years and a little over a month since I held a regular 40 hour a week job. If I were to get Disability and SSI, I can go to doctors to get treatment, so I could possibly someday go back to working full time. After all, I cannot retire until after February, 2031, when I am 67 years old. I'm only 40 now. Twenty seven years is a hell of a long time to wait. I'd rather be working during those 27 years, thank you, but right now, in 2004, I cannot work. I need help, SSA!

(This is a depressing thought...when I'm 67, my 13 year old will be my age right now, 40!)

I have a headache, and I can't sleep. So what the hell else is new?

--MorelaterZ--