It's New Year's Eve

and I'm in flare. Happy New Year.

--MorelaterZ--

Tired, frustrated and depressed...

Tired: I've been trying to get some additional exercise, as i have put on weight. None of the clothes I brought with me when I moved here to Oklahoma two years ago fit me properly any more. I can still wear them, it's just that the pants are a smidge too tight, and the tops just don't look right on me anymore.

However, the exercise, no matter how gentle, still wears me out. I've been doing a lot of running around because of the holidays, and that exhausts me to the point where I don't want to do anything.

I've decided that I am going to attempt a diet of some sort after New Years, because the Cajun has announced that he wants to drop 100 lbs. So now, my competitiveness is now kicking in and I want to show him that I can lose some weight, too.

And at the same time, I'm afraid I'm going to be taking on too much.


Frustrated: Things that I think should happen a certain way, don't. Things that I think should look a certain way, don't either. I seemingly have no control over anything other than my emotions, and I fear I'm starting to lose control over even that! Which leads me to...

Depressed: I pretty much covered it in the last post, but now I'm depressed over being depressed, and the holidays certainly don't help matters, but I feel like this 24/7/365, especially in the last two years. And I hate, with a passion, feeling this way.

I've been in a mini flare the last week or two, and I have been taking Celebrex for it. I've experienced no significant problems taking it. But, my supply is running low and I'm debabting whether I should continue to take it. I can always take Aleve, because I've never had a problem with that, either. I think the press is making way too much out of this. All drugs have side effects, and if you take too much, you could very well have a problem.

But, I have ranted about this in other posts, and I'm not in the mood to repeat myself.

January 20th could get here soon enough...I know I've said that before! LOL

I wonder if I can get the date changed to an earlier date?

--MorelaterZ--

Meanwhile...

I'm having a problem here.

I'm jumpy, forgetful, overly emotional, thinking weird and scary things, and just generally down in the dumper. And it's not just because of the holiday season...I've been feeling like this for quite some time, and I don't know if I can keep it together and under control for too much longer. If I didn't have this blog and my other one, writing things down, I don't know what would happen to me.

I know that the depression is related to the FMS and RA, and because I can't seem to get people to understand that I really do have a problem here. I know I need medical treatment, but at the present time, I cannot afford it. Meanwhile, my self esteem and my well being are slowly eroding away. All I want is peace of mind, and I fear it is not forthcoming fast enough.

January 20th is seemingly a life time away...and even that is no guarantee I'll get benefits. Just what the hell do people expect me to do? Self destruct?

--MorelaterZ--

And now naproxen?

What gives?

If they're going to say that all painkillers cause heart problems, then what's a chronic pain sufferer to do? Either they do (cause problems) or they don't.

Again, if someone has a history of heart disease, perhaps they shouldn't be taking these drugs. But don't put the word out there that simply taking them will cause you to have heart disease. That would be irresponsible. Doctors should know if their patients health history well enough to know what drugs to prescribe and what ones not. Just because Vioxx or Celebrex or Naprosyn or whatever works for one person without incident, it cannot be assumed that it will be good for someone else. Even I know that and I'm no doctor.

I'll keep an eye on the developing story. It sounds like all the cancer scare crap of twenty years ago...give us a little credit for brains here, drug companies! Sheesh!

(If we weren't all crazy we'd all go insane...)

--MorelaterZ--

Not again!

Yet another report about a COX-2 inhibitor hit the internet today. This time, it's Celebrex, the very COX-2 drug that I take!

A long term cancer study shows that Celebrex causes twice as many heart attacks than a placebo (well, duh! When sugar pills cause a heart attack, and that's what a placebo is-- a sugar pill-- then I'll know that the karma of the world is screwed up!). Another study of cancer patients shows no significant change.

Additional note: I read today -18 Dec.- that participants in the one cancer study were given 600-800mg, or roughly FOUR TIMES the usual dosage! In that case, I can see where that may be a problem. That alone should not be the basis to pull Celebrex off the market. Get real!

The thing that gets me is this: the insert for Celebrex states that people with heart conditions should NOT be taking this drug. Had some of these medical "experts" read the insert, they would have known that. The inserts for Bextra (like Celebrex, manufactured by Pfizer), and Vioxx (Merck) say the same thing. If you have heart disease, perhaps you shouldn't take our drugs.

I haven't had problems with Celebrex, unless saying that it makes me really sleepy is a problem (I take 200mg once a day). It does in me what it's supposed to do, and that's get rid of the pain. I don't have heart disease, so I'm not worried. I only take it when I need it, and that's not very often. I've been able to ward off some pretty bad flares with Celebrex, and I'll stop taking it if and when Pfizer takes it off the market; or if a doctor tells me there's something better out there.

--MorelaterZ--

This post updated 21:46 on 18 December 2004.

The letter came, and

my appointment with the doctor who will see me about my depression at SSA's expense is January 20, 2005 at 10am. Good news: this doctor is in Edmond, so I don't have to go traipsing all over OKC to find the doctor's office. It's relatively close to the house.

January 20th? Isn't that when the Inaguration is? No matter, I wasn't planning on watching it anyway.

Funny...my first appointment was on election day (Nov. 2) and this one is on the day the winner gets sworn in.

Ha. Ha. Like he's done me any favors lately.

--MorelaterZ--

This rocks!

From Yahoo! News:

It's being reported that Pfizer's Celebrex (which I take) is three times less likely to cause problems than Merck's Vioxx. Nothing in this report that mentions Pfizer's other COX-2 drug, Bextra.

This is good news, for me anyway, because I've been taking Celebrex periodically since at least January 04, when Dean* gave me some samples. It makes me quite sleepy, so I try to take them at nightime when I'm supposed to be sleeping anyway.

So that's 2 pieces of good news for me today. Things are looking up ever so slightly.

--MorelaterZ--


*for those of you who haven't been reading this very long, or don't read my other blog, Dean is my brother in law who is a family practice physician.

Okay, maybe it wasn't a waste of time

SSA called me this morning. They got the report from the doctor that I went to for the medical exam last month. Apparently, that doctor notated that I was depressed (I may have mentioned it to her, though right now, I honestly don't remember), and the woman from SSA asked if my depression was a major factor in my claim. I told her that the pain from FMS and RA were the main factors in my claim and that depression was a by-product of my initial illnesses. She also asked, that if I had the money to do so, would I go for treatment for depression. I told her I would. So, SSA will be sending me to another doctor, at their expense, to evaluate me for depression. I told the woman who called me that I didn't like some of the things I was thinking about in the two years since I left Massachusetts.

Perhaps this will be the key to getting Disability and SSI. I'm not going to hold my breath on that, however. I think I will eventually have to leave Oklahoma in order to get benefits if I don't get them this time. I don't think I can go thru all this again. That alone depresses me.

--MorelaterZ--